Do you feel defeated in life? Feeling defeated is normal and it can happen to anyone.
Here’s the bad news, life is not always rainbows and sunshine, it can rain, and sometimes even a thunderstorm.
But there’s also good news, it can’t rain forever. And usually, the sky is clear after the rain, and the weather is good.
And that’s how life works too.
So, if you’re feeling defeated right now, don’t worry, here are 21 tips to help you overcome tough times and make a comeback…
1. Understand that failure is a learning progress
That’s right, failure is learning progress. You have to understand that success is the result of good judgment, which is a result of experience. And how do you gain experience? Bad judgment.
In other words, the failures and mistakes you went through will make you stronger, better, and more knowledgeable. You gain experience through making mistakes and understanding why failures happen.
Just remember this quote from Zig Ziglar:
“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.”
Yes, it can stressful when you feel defeated, but you have to understand that it is learning progress for getting you to your destination.
2. Reframe the way you think
Whenever you feel defeated in life, just change and reframe your thinking.
Instead of thinking, “I failed my math, so I’m bad at math”, reframe the thought and think, “I failed my math, which means I need to work harder on it”.
Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right. It is all about how you think.
When you choose to look at the situation from a negative point of view, you will believe that your defeat is catastrophic. But when you change your thought and look at the circumstance from a positive point of view, things don’t seem so bad.
Just like when you have just lost a sale, you may feel defeated, but don’t let it get over you. Reframe your thought and think, “I may have lost this customer, but there are many more customers waiting to buy from me.”
The way you think can affect your feelings and actions. Hence, whenever you are feeling defeated, reframe your thoughts and choose to think something positive.
3. Exercise and workout
Many studies have shown that exercise is good for your brain health, improves your mood, boosts energy, and also helps reduce your stress.
Thus, whenever you are feeling defeated, go for an exercise. You don’t have to hit the gym, you just need to move your body and get sweat.
Of course, if you can get a friend and do sports together, that will be even better.
4. Do something that makes your heart sings
What do you love doing that will make you feel good? When you’re depressed or not in a good mood, do something you love that will make your heart sings.
It can be a hobby. For instance, if you love to swim, get change and go for a swim when you’re feeling defeated. There’s no point to keep lingering on the problem. Instead, go do something that will change your mood and alleviate your mental state.
When you are doing something that you love, you will feel better, and that will get you out of the rut.
So, ask yourself what do you love doing? What are the activities that make you feel joyful? What are your hobbies?
5. Focus on your next small step
The majority of people tend to focus on the problem when things are not working out. This is why they feel stressed and defeated.
What you want to do instead, is to focus on your next small step. Just ask yourself, “What is the one small step I can take right now?”
When you take small actions and you begin, you are building up your momentum. And when your momentum grows, you will feel the drive and motivation.
The key is to focus on making progress, not problems.
6. Develop the growth mindset
There are 2 types of mentality:
Fixed mindset – In a fixed mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits.
Growth mindset – In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work – brains and talent are just the starting point.
Obviously, you want to cultivate a growth mindset.
When things are not working out, people with a fixed mindset will think that they have failed and there is nothing they can do to turn the situation around.
However, people with a growth mindset believe they can change things. They understand that they can improve their abilities, skills, and knowledge so that they can do better in the future.
People with a fixed mindset will look at a failure and feel defeated. But people with a growth mindset will look at the situation and feel challenged to improve and do better.
If you want to learn more about developing a growth mindset, read this book by Carol Dweck…
7. Apply the 5-Minute Rule
I learned about this rule from Hal Elrod, the best-selling author of The Miracle Equation, which is also one of my top recommended success books.
You see, failures are inevitable. And that means you will face defeats and feel defeated in life. Therefore, you don’t have to escape or try to avoid these feelings.
Instead, apply the 5-Minute Rule and feel defeated for just 5 minutes. After the minutes were up, focus on what you can do.
This way, you allow yourself time to feel the emotions within you. You don’t have to run away or try to suppress your feelings, for just 5 minutes.
After 5 minutes, tell yourself that you can’t change the past, and so you will focus on the focus and do what you can in the present.
You can learn more about the 5-Minute Rule here.
8. Stop comparing yourself to others
That’s right, when things are not working, the first thing you want to do is to stop comparing yourself to others.
Comparing yourself to others is one of the main causes of negativity in life. Imagine you compare yourself to someone who is earning much more than you, who is driving a better car or someone who is so far ahead of you. How would you feel?
Not good, right? That’s why it is silly to compare yourself to others.
You have to know that everyone is living in their own timeline. Some people are earning a million dollars at age 25 and some people are broke at 40. There will be people who are married at 30 and there will be single people at 50.
Therefore, you don’t have to compare yourself to others. Everyone is doing differently and living their own life.
What you want to do then is to focus on your goals and dreams. Focus on living your own life. When you are feeling defeated, don’t compare yourself to others.
“One reason why birds and horses are happy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.”
Dale Taylor
9. Take a break
When you are feeling defeated in life, just take a break. Stop focusing on the goal, the problem, or the situation, just get away and take a break.
Jack Ma, the co-founder of Alibaba and one of the richest men in China once said whenever he faced difficulties and problems he couldn’t solve, he will take a nap. And after the nap, he felt better, and the solution would come.
You have to do the same. Sometimes, you don’t have to push yourself or force it. Sometimes, it is better to take a step back, look at the big picture, or take a break so that you can find a better, and more creative solution.
After Steve Jobs was fired, he took a 3 months holiday to explore life. And he discovered he still loved what he did. And thus, he started NeXT Computer, which was eventually acquired by Apple. And as a result, Jobs went back to Apple. And then the rest was history.
So, when you are depressed or stuck, take a break.
10. Find out what went wrong
The only way you can improve and change the situation is by finding out what went wrong. Because if you cannot fix what you don’t know is broken.
Just ask yourself these 3 questions…
- What went wrong?
- What went right?
- How can I avoid doing what was wrong and do more of what was right?
These 3 questions can help you identify the right strategy for getting what you want in life.
When you know what is not working, stop doing it. And when you find out what is working, you want to do more of it.
In the medical field, this is called a ‘post-mortem’. It is an autopsy to find out what causes the death.
And when you are feeling defeated, do a post-mortem and find out why you feel so. And so that you can get rid of the cause.
11. Practice meditation
There are plenty of benefits to meditation, including improving your mood and helping you stop feeling defeated.
If you study successful people, you will notice many of them meditate. Here’s a list of successful people who meditate…
- Ray Dalio, the American billionaire investor and hedge fund manager, who has served as co-chief investment officer of the world’s largest hedge fund, Bridgewater Associates.
- Oprah Winfrey, one of the richest and most influential women in the United States.
- Jeff Weiner, former Yahoo executive-turned-Linkedin CEO.
- Arianna Huffington, the co-founder of Huffington Post and CEO of Thrive Global, and the author of fifteen books.
- Jerry Seinfeld, a stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer with a net worth of almost a billion dollars.
- Marc Benioff, internet entrepreneur and co-founder of Salesforce, acquired Time in 2018.
These are wildly successful people, and they still find time to practice meditation. So if you think meditation is not working, think again.
12. Create a gratitude list
Here’s another thing you can do when you are feeling defeated – create a gratitude list and write down everything you’re grateful for.
So, what’s a gratitude list? According to this article, a gratitude list is a compilation of things that you feel grateful for. It’s important to create one each day to remember to look at the positive side of things.
A gratitude list helps people with anxiety, depression, or any struggle in life remember to never lose hope.
This is why writing down what you’re grateful for can help you overcome defeat.
In times when things are not working out and you’re feeling defeated, practicing gratefulness helps you remember what you have and makes you feel better.
13. Get a coach or mentor
This is common sense. You see, when you’re feeling defeated and when things are not working for you, it means you need a guide to show you how to make things right.
And this is why you want to get a coach or a mentor to show you the way.
Mark Zuckerberg, the co-founder, and CEO of Facebook had Steve Jobs as a mentor to guide him while building Facebook.
Oprah Winfrey also had a mentor, Maya Angelou. And the same went for Yves Saint-Laurent, who had Christian Dior to guide him and show him how to run the business.
Getting a mentor or a coach to guide you is one of the best ways to get out of the storm.
14. Talk to a supportive friend
This is one of the easiest and fastest ways to feel good when you’re feeling down. You just need to talk to a supportive friend who understands and encourages you.
Sometimes, all you need to hear are these words from a friend “I believe in you, and I know you can do it.”
However, you have to make sure you talk to a friend who will encourage you, not someone who will make the situation worse.
15. Remind yourself of all your accomplishments
This is just like creating a gratitude list, but instead of writing down what you’re grateful for, you write down all of your accomplishments, big and small.
This article on BestSelf.co states that every time you write down a win, you create a new reference point of what you actually achieved.
On those days when things go wrong, when your confidence takes a knock, or when the self-doubt wreaks havoc with your mojo, being able to look back through your wins provides you with a motivational boost to keep going.
Writing down your wins helps switch on the frame of mind you need to keep going – regardless of the chaos you currently face.
Hence, create a journal of your wins and victories. This will surely help you go through setbacks in life.
16. Think about your worst-case-scenario and how you made it through
That’s right, I believe you have been through a lot, and still, you’re here, standing tall.
When you think you can’t make it or that you have been defeated, just think about all the difficulties you have been through and how you made it.
You will notice that you are stronger than you think, better than you expected, and so, you can definitely go through this and make a comeback.
17. Know that you are not alone
I love this quote from Jack Canfield…
“For every reason it’s not possible, there are hundreds of people who have faced the same circumstances and succeeded.”
Thus, remember that you are not alone. Every setback or difficulty or problem you had in life, someone out there has gone through the same or even worse than you, and they have made it through.
So, if they can do it, so can you.
This is why I love reading. The more I read, the more I’m inspired become. I learned that problems are inevitable and I’m not alone. Others have had the problems I faced, and they successfully overcame them.
If you have no idea what books to read, check out my recommended success books here.
18. Stop blaming or making excuses
That’s right, if you want to stop feeling defeated, you have to stop blaming or making lousy excuses. Blaming or pointing fingers will not help you one bit.
If you want to change the situation, you must own the problem by taking 100% responsibility.
Think about it, you feel defeated because you believe you can’t change the situation. And that’s because you’re not taking full responsibility for it.
When you take 100% responsibility for a situation, you know you are the cause of it and hence, you can change it.
For instance, when your business is bad, you may blame the economy and avoid taking responsibility, but there’s nothing you can do to change the economy. And that’s why you feel defeated.
But when you take 100% responsibility, you own the problem and believe you are the one that causes your business to be bad. As a result, you can change yourself so that your business can improve.
I suggest you read this guide to understand why it is important to take responsibility for your life and how you can do it.
19. Accept your defeat and move forward
You can’t change what has happened. So, sometimes it is a wiser choice to accept your defeat and then move forward.
Accepting your defeats means you’re accepting the failures you made. And that’s a big step to moving forward in life.
It is absolutely okay to fail. In fact, if you have never failed before, it simply means that you have tried hard enough. Failure is a sign of progress.
Just remember this quote from Maya Angelou…
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.”
20. Practice positive affirmations
Another thing you can do to help you stop the feeling of defeat is to practice positive affirmations.
You are what you think about most of the time. So, if you constantly feed your mind with negative thoughts, you will never get yourself out of the rut. You will be stuck and keep feeling defeated.
And to change this, you can practice positive affirmations. Your self-talk will affect your mood and how you feel. Hence, when you condition your mind with positive affirmations, you can change your mood for the better.
The only problem? Most people have no idea how to do affirmations the right way. And so, I recommend you read my guide here.
21. Start anew and begin again
It doesn’t matter if you have failed or been defeated, you can always start anew and begin again. It is never too late.
And sometimes failure can be good because it allows you a fresh beginning, with a better experience.
If you build a blog and it is not getting you the results you want, begin again, with a better strategy.
If you build a YouTube channel but are not getting the traction you expected, try something new, maybe you need fresh content.
The key is to look at every day or even every moment as a fresh new beginning, which in fact it is.
Every day is a chance to begin again. Don’t focus on the failures of yesterday, start today with positive thoughts and expectations.
I would like to end this blog post with a quote I like from Kung Fu Panda…
“Your story may not have such a happy beginning, but that does not make you who you are, it is the rest of it, who you choose to be.”
And these are the tips to stop feeling defeated in life.