“Why is this happening to me?”
This is a common question people with a victim mentality asked themselves most of the time.
When things don’t go according to their plan or as they expected, they started to play the victim, blame, make excuses, and point fingers.
If this is happening to you, you need to get rid of this mentality right now.
Playing the victim will not help you one bit in life, it will only make the situation worse and puts you in mediocrity.
People are stuck in life, and they are not living to their full potential because they are playing the victim.
Rather than creating the life they want, they believe that life happens to them. And when something goes wrong, people with a victim mentality will think that it is not their responsibility. It is always someone else’s fault.
And in this article, I’m going to share with you 10 ways how you can stop playing the victim and start taking charge of your life.
But first, let us understand what a victim mentality is and what playing a victim is all about…
What is Playing Victim All About?
Don’t get it wrong, being a victim and playing the victim are 2 different roles. When the economy gets bad and you got fired from your company, you are the victim of the economic downturn.
However, that doesn’t mean you should choose to play the victim role.
Similarly, when the world went into lockdown, many people were affected. When restaurants were shut down, you can choose to be the victim as a direct effect of the lockdown, or you can stop playing the victim and start taking control of your life.
Let me share a real-life story…
During the height of the pandemic, restaurants were forced to shut down, but not this pizza restaurant in Chicago. Rather than playing the victim and choosing to do nothing, Dimo’s Pizza chose to make face shields with its ovens.
You know what, when things don’t go according to plan, most people will choose to play the victim. They’d complain and blame.
But if you look at the story above, you’ll know that playing the victim is a choice.
You can choose to play the victim, or you can choose to do something to overcome the situation.
There’s always a choice.
And you know what, after the pandemic is over, the pizza restaurant has 2 businesses – one making the face shield; and one selling pizzas.
10 Ways How to Stop Playing Victim
Now that you understand playing the victim is a choice, it is NOT something that you have no control over.
And because it is a choice, you can ALWAYS choose to do something about it. In short, you can stop playing the victim and overcome whatever tough situations you faced in life.
Here are 10 ways to help you get rid of the victim mentality and start taking charge of your life…
1. Accept the reality and move on
First, understand that whatever has happened, happens. You cannot turn back time or change it. Hence, you might as well just accept the reality and then choose to move on.
When the economy is bad and you go out of business, there’s nothing you can do about it. Instead, choose to accept the reality and then do what you can.
When your boss sacked you and you have lost your job, accept it as a reality because there’s really nothing you can do about it. But then choose to move on and focus on the next step of life.
When someone you loved leaves you, yes, it is painful, but you will have to accept the reality and move on.
2. Apply the E + R = O Formula
This is the E + R = O Formula:
Event + Response = Outcome
You cannot control the event or circumstances in life, but you can always control your response.
For example, when you are stuck in traffic, you can choose to play the victim and blame the traffic. But guess what, when you play the blame game, there’s nothing you can do.
Instead, choose to change your response. Rather than blaming the traffic, take full responsibility for the fact that you did not depart early.
You can choose to blame the economy, the weather, your parents, or your lack of education, but these will not make the situation better.
So, rather than blaming, choose to change your response. Ask yourself what can you do to make the situation better?
If you lack education, what can you do to overcome that? Can you go back to school to get a college degree? Can you attend night classes? Or can you get a mentor to show you how to do it?
If you want to live a successful life, you must learn how to take full responsibility for it.
You cannot change what has happened, but you can always change your response. Just like the saying…
“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can change my sail to reach my destination.”
3. Reframe your thoughts
Next, you want to reframe your thoughts. Your thoughts have no meaning except the meaning you give them.
This means when you think you are the victim, you think so because of the meaning you give the thought.
Allow me to explain. When someone cuts you while you’re driving, it depends on how you associate the meaning of the act.
You can interpret the situation as someone who cuts you in traffic is a jerk. If you do so, you will become angry and you may even chase the person and overtake him.
Or you can interpret the situation as something else. Perhaps, the person who cuts you in line is in a hurry or in an emergency. When you think this way, it makes you feel better.
This is the power of reframing your thoughts.
When something happens, you can choose to play the victim, or you can choose to reframe the situation and look at it from another point of view.
When you have an appointment and it rains, you can complain and say that your client will be late, or the appointment might be canceled.
Or you can reframe the thought and think that raining is a test to show your commitment to your client.
Or here’s another more positive and empowering thought – when it rains, everyone becomes lazy, especially your competitors. And it makes it the perfect moment to outdo your competitor by working harder.
Do you see how reframing your thoughts can help you overcome the mentality now?
4. Celebrate small wins to build momentum
Another way to stop playing the victim is to celebrate small wins so that you can build up momentum.
Instead of feeling like a loser, look at all the wins and victories you have created, and then celebrate them.
It doesn’t matter how big or small the wins are, the key is to feel good about them so that you will become more motivated to take even more action.
Celebrating your wins is important because you are conditioning your mind to create more wins.
When you completed 10 push-ups, pat yourself on the back. Do a fist-pump and feel good about it. The more you celebrate, the more you are making it a habit to feel good about what you do.
As a result, this will help you get out of the rut.
Brian Tracy once said:
“The act of taking the first step is what separates the winners from the losers.”
No matter what kind of success you want to achieve or how big an accomplishment is, it always begins with one small step.
And by celebrating your small wins, you are acknowledging your positive behaviors. Which makes you feel good, and eventually, helps you overcome the victim mentality.
Read: 13 Ways How to Celebrate Small Victories and Make Progress
5. Search for inspiration
Another thing you can do is to search for inspiration. In other words, read books to find inspiration, or talk to someone positive who can encourage you to get out of the rut.
You see, someone out there has achieved the things you want. And no matter how difficult your situation is right now, someone has gone through worse and has bounced back higher.
Hence, you just need to look for them and learn from them. Jack Canfield has a great saying about this…
“For every reason it’s not possible, there are hundreds of people who have faced the same circumstances and succeeded.”
That’s right, when you think you can’t do it, or when you think you are the victim, someone somewhere has gone through worse and succeeded.
Thus, stop playing the victim and start searching for inspiration. Learn from others. Read books to widen your perspective. That’s how you overcome the loser’s mentality and start becoming a winner.
6. Focus on goals, not obstacles
Whenever you feel like a victim or a loser, remind yourself of your goals. If you don’t have any goals, start setting one.
Give yourself something exciting and challenging to look forward to. Goal setting is one of the most powerful skills anyone can learn to live a great life.
Someone who plays the victim always blames and complains because they lack an empowering goal to guide them in life.
Having a goal is like having a lighthouse showing you the direction when you are lost.
Therefore, focus on the goals, not obstacles.
If you want to learn how to set empowering goals, just go to GoalSettingFormula.com.
7. Understand that things will go wrong
That’s right, things will go wrong, and problems are inevitable. There will always be unexpected things that get out of hand.
But, the key is not to make yourself feel like a victim, instead, it is to understand that things will go wrong.
No matter how good you are at planning, things can still go unexpected. Hardships, challenges, and problems are normal in life.
Thus, you need to learn the fact that things can go wrong. The good news is that you can always control your response and reframe your thought to help you overcome tough times in life.
8. Practice gratefulness
According to this study, grateful people tend to be happier. And that means practicing gratitude can help you overcome the victim mentality.
The study said that gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.
Usually, people who play the victim role are blinded by what’s missing and then tend to forget that they already have everything in life. And this is why being grateful can be helpful.
Appreciate what you have and more importantly, value who you are.
When you start to appreciate and acknowledge all the good you have in life, you will start to feel better.
Being grateful helps you understand that life isn’t all that bad. Yes, things may still happen, and you can lose your job or an important client, but there are plenty of other good things in life waiting for you to appreciate.
If you want to learn how to practice gratitude, check out this article from LifeHack.org.
9. Stop comparing yourself to others
You feel like a loser only when you compare yourself to others, and that’s when you feel you’re not good enough.
Here’s a quote you should always remember:
“One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is that they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.”
Dale Carnegie
You have to understand that everyone is living in their own timeline. You don’t have to compare yourself to others.
- Some people are married at 25 and some people found their love at 52.
- Some people start a business at 21 and some people were broke at 31.
- The United States is 12 hours later than Malaysia, but that doesn’t mean the US is slower.
Do you get that? You don’t have to compare.
The more you try to compare, the more you are going to feel like a loser and play the victim.
10. Take one small step
And lastly, if you want to stop playing the victim, you must focus on taking action. Do something. Take just one small step toward your goals and dreams.
This will build up your momentum and motivation.
And you know what, once you have taken action and made progress, you will feel good because you are getting one step closer to the things you want in life.
People fall into the victim mentality because they feel helpless. They feel they have no control over the situation and that is why they feel like a loser.
But when you act, execute, and work on your goals, you are progressing forward. You are creating results.
And when you see yourself creating results, you will feel good.
Success is a cycle. The more you work for the things you want, the more successful you will become. And of course, the less you will play the victim.
Conclusion
It is difficult to stop playing the victim. There are times when I feel hopeless and nothing I can do to change the situation too. But we can learn and better manage the situation.
Follow the 10 tips above to get rid of the victim mentality.
And more importantly, do not underestimate your potential and strength. You can take full control of your life, even when things are going out of your way. And the first step to do so is to decide that you are not going to play the victim.
